Whether you’re straight, gay, bisexual, or something in between, relationships are hard. They take a lot of work to make them successful. All those fairy tales we heard growing up about how one kiss from your true love is supposedly the key to your happily ever after are just that – fairy tales. Relationships are tough. If you’re dating a bisexual woman, you may feel like your relationship is even tougher than other people’s. Honestly, though, dating a bi woman is no harder than dating anyone else, but there are a few things you should know going into the relationship.
1. Yes, they really are bisexual. No, it isn’t a “phase.”
Being bisexual isn’t something women are experimenting with, and they aren’t going to “grow out of it” if given enough time. Most scientists and researchers agree that a person’s sexuality is determined very early on in life, with clues and signs of sexual orientation showing up as early as a person’s toddler years.
So no, bisexuality isn’t something women are going to “grow out of” just because they’re dating you or getting older. Just like you, bisexual women are attracted to who they’re attracted to; whether that person is male or female is irrelevant. So if you’re a man dating a bisexual woman, you should understand right from the start that that’s who she is, and you aren’t going to change her. As long as you accept her for who she is, things should be fine.
2. They’re just as faithful as heterosexual partners.
One thing bisexual women hate is when their partners are constantly worrying and fretting about the possibility of infidelity. Dating a bisexual woman doesn’t automatically mean you’re going to get cheated on behind your back. Bisexual women aren’t automatically predisposed to infidelity. If a bisexual woman cheats on you, it isn’t because she’s bisexual; it’s just because that’s the kind of person she is. Remember, straight people cheat too, and no one blames that on their sexuality. You’d never say, “She’s heterosexual! Of course she cheated on you!” Don’t say it about bisexual women either.
3. Bisexual women don’t automatically want to have threesomes.
Don’t assume that just because you’re dating a bi woman you’ll be having threesomes every night. There are some bisexual women out there who enjoy a good threesome every now and then, and there are some bisexual women who would be happy to have a polyamorous relationship with you and other people, but that certainly isn’t the case for all bisexual women. Just because women are attracted to both men and women doesn’t automatically mean they want to be with both sexes – or even two people of the same sex – at the same time. Polyamory and bisexuality aren’t the same things. It’s important for you to understand that.
4. Some bi women still prefer one gender over the other.
This sounds contradictory to what it means to be bisexual, but it’s also true. Just because a woman is attracted to people of both genders, that doesn’t mean she doesn’t still have a preference for one gender over another. Sexuality is a spectrum. A woman can be bisexual and still prefer to date men, or she can fall on the other side of the spectrum and be a bisexual woman who prefers to date women. This doesn’t mean she can’t or won’t fall in love with someone whose gender is the one she least prefers; it just means she’s a little more predisposed to date one gender over the other.
5. They may be sensitive about their sexuality.
Just because a woman is open with you about her sexuality, that doesn’t mean she isn’t still sensitive and private about it. Please don’t go around telling everyone you know that you’re dating a bisexual woman. Sexuality is something about which many people are very private. If she was comfortable enough sharing her sexuality with you, don’t betray her trust by turning around and telling everyone you know. Her sexuality is not something for you to brag about with your friends. If she wants people to know, she’ll tell them.
6. She doesn’t automatically become “straight” because she’s dating you.
If you’re exclusively dating a bisexual woman, she’s still bisexual. A bisexual woman dating a man isn’t suddenly heterosexual, just as a bisexual woman dating a woman isn’t a lesbian. Try to avoid the need to label everything. That will make things much simpler and less confusing.
7. Bisexual women don’t “need” sex with the other gender to keep them satisfied.
Another offensive assumption people often make about bisexual women is that they can’t be fully satisfied in a monogamous relationship because they simply must have sex with both genders to be sexually satisfied. That isn’t the case at all, and if you’re dating a bisexual woman, most of the time, she doesn’t want you to tell her it’s okay to sleep with other women if she needs to do so.
Again, there may be some women out there who are predisposed to polyamory who would appreciate that, but most bisexual women are just like heterosexual women: When they’re in a steady, monogamous relationship, they’re fully satisfied with their partners. Bisexual women don’t crave sex with both genders. If you’re dating a bi woman, she’s committed to you. She doesn’t need sex with a woman to feel complete or satisfied. You’re enough.
8. She may not find the same women attractive that you do.
Just because your girlfriend or partner is bisexual doesn’t mean she’s going to agree with you when you ask her, “Don’t you think Kaley Cuoco is gorgeous?” Just like you, she has her own taste in women. Her tastes might be in line with yours, or hers might be wildly different.
You also shouldn’t assume that she’ll be okay with you asking her about whether or not she finds other women attractive or hearing about the women you find attractive. She may be bisexual, but she’s still a woman, and she gets jealous just like any other woman would.
9. Bisexual women aren’t greedy, and they aren’t attracted to everyone they see.
Just because a bisexual woman is attracted to both sexes, that doesn’t mean she’s attracted to every man or woman she sees passing by or that she wants to sleep with everyone she meets. Bisexual women are just as discerning and picky as everyone else. They also aren’t greedy. It isn’t that they want to have sex with everyone or even multiple partners. They’re just attracted to all kinds of different people.
10. She’s more than her sexuality.
Dating a bisexual woman can be confusing, exciting, rewarding and difficult, but so can dating any woman, despite her sexuality. Women are complex creatures. They have a lot going on, and the fact that your girlfriend is bisexual is only one tiny part of her identity. She could be – and is – so many more things than just bisexual.
She’s a daughter, a sister, a mom, a painter, a dancer, a political activist, a lover of Game of Thrones, a coffee-addict, a reader, a math teacher, an astronaut, an animal-lover, a cowgirl, a world traveler and on and on and on. Your girlfriend may be all of these things, or she may be none of these things, but she’s definitely more than her sexuality. Don’t define her strictly by her sexual identity. Not only is it offensive, but it’s also doing both you and her a great disservice.
Dating a bisexual woman can be a very rewarding experience, but you can’t go into the experience with a bunch of false ideas and unrealistic expectations. If you do that, things likely won’t go very well for you. The best thing to remember is that bisexual women are people like everyone else. Treat them with the same respect, kindness, and affection you would use with any other woman, and you’ll be fine. If you start treating them like a novelty sex trophy, though, things are going to go downhill fairly quickly.