We are living in the 21st century, and sexuality and gender identity are now more fluid than they’ve ever been. It’s not uncommon to be in the workplace, at the gym, or even in church with gay, lesbian, bisexual, and bi-curious men and women of all ages. It’s possible that you’ve even had thoughts or fantasies about being with other men yourself. If you’ve always identified as a heterosexual male, these kinds of thoughts may be confusing for you, and you may be wondering if they’re normal.
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Is It Normal for Adult, Straight Men to Question Their Sexuality?
The short answer is yes, it’s incredibly normal and even common for men to be bi-curious, even as adults. This doesn’t make you gay or even bisexual. The most common term for this is “bi-curious man.” If you’re uncomfortable labeling yourself in that way, don’t. Again, this is the 21st century; there’s no need to put a label on anything. Just be yourself and like who you like. You don’t have to put any type of identifier on your sexuality if you don’t want to do so.
Being a bi-curious guy simply means that you aren’t totally, 100% against the idea of same-sex relations. You may never act on your same-sex tendencies, or you may decide you want to find out what male-on-male sex is like. Both of these choices are perfectly valid for someone who’s bi-curious. The percentage of men who identify as outright bisexual has been on the rise for years, and researchers predict that’s a trend that’ll continue into the future. Bi-curious men are even more common. If you’ve been having bi-curious thoughts, it’s not abnormal, and it’s nothing about which you should be ashamed.
The Kinsey Scale
In the 1940s, Alfred Kinsey undertook a massive research project to try to “define” human sexuality. His hypothesis was that human sexuality was more of a scale than a definitive either/or declaration. His research and surveying of countless men and women of all ages proved that he was mostly correct and helped him develop what is now known as the Kinsey scale.
The scale ranges from zero to six, with zero being completely, 100% heterosexual and six being completely, 100% homosexual. Bi-curious guys usually fall at a one (predominantly heterosexual, only incidentally homosexual) or a two (predominantly heterosexual, but more than incidentally homosexual). Once a guy hits a three on the scale, he’s generally considered to be equally attracted to both sexes.
All of these numbers are completely normal, and they can fluctuate throughout a person’s lifetime. Scientists and researchers have discovered that it’s more normal than not for a person to undergo slight – and sometimes even major – shifts in what they find attractive in a partner over time, so if you feel like you might now be a bi-curious man, it’s nothing weird. It just means your tastes are changing as you age, which is perfectly normal.
You may never decide to act on your same-sex attraction. However, if you’re looking to explore that side of your sexuality further, here are some things to consider.
10 Tips for Bi-Curious Men to Explore Their Sexuality
Tip 1: Start Slowly with Gay Porn
If you’re a bi-curious male, one of the easiest ways for you to see if you really are attracted to men is to check out gay porn and see if it does anything for you. This is an easy first step, especially with porn now being so readily available online. Pull up some pictures or start a video, and see if you actually feel any attraction to the men in the video or if you get turned on by the things they’re doing. If these videos don’t do anything for you sexually or if they actually turn you off, chances are you’re not actually a bi-curious male.
Tip 2: Join a Support Group for Bi-Curious Men
If you’re just beginning to question your sexuality, you may be feeling a lot of different things, and not all of them are likely to be positive. If you’re feeling a lot of shame or other negative feelings about yourself, you must get that under control. There’s nothing wrong with you or your bi-curious feelings. Try to find an online or in-person support group for bi-curious men or men questioning their sexualities. If you’re married or in a long-term relationship with a woman, these feelings can be even more overwhelming and confusing. Groups like GammaSupport can be extremely helpful in dealing with these types of problems.
Tip 3: Consider Having an MMF Threesome
One of the most comfortable ways for some bi-curious men to explore their same-sex attractions is by having a threesome with at least one woman in the mix. This can lessen the pressure of straight male-on-male sex because the female makes it feel more like something the man is used to doing. Put simply, it “feels less gay.” If you want to try this, though, just be upfront with everyone involved about your and their expectations. If you’re in a long-term, committed relationship, you should discuss your reasons for wanting this threesome with your partner as well.
Tip 4: Download Gay and Bi Dating Apps
If you feel confident with your newfound bi-curious sexuality and want to take the next big step into making some of your male-on-male fantasies a reality, one of the easiest ways to meet other bisexual men is by downloading apps exclusively for gay and bisexual men. These include apps like Grindr, Scruff, BiCupid, and GuySpy. As with any dating app or service that allows you to meet strangers online, please exercise caution and be safe.
Tip 5: Do Your Research
One of the great things about living in the digital age is that you can find all kinds of great information about any topic you could possibly imagine. If you’re suddenly experiencing unexpected – and possibly even unintentional and unwanted – bi-curious feelings, you’re not alone. There are plenty of people who’ve experienced those feelings before you, and many of those people wrote books, made podcasts, created YouTube videos, kept blogs and made documentaries about their feelings, thoughts and experiences.
Do your research. Buy some of those books; listen to some of those podcasts; watch some of those YouTube videos and documentaries. Not only will this help you come to grips with your own feelings and emotions, it can also give you some tips on next steps to take if you want to act on some of your desires.
Tip 6: Visit LGBT Clubs/Bars
The best way to find a date or a sexual partner is to get out and meet people! Visit your local gay or LGBT club or bar. If you live in a small, rural area, visit a metropolitan area nearby to find gay bars and clubs. Even in the most conservative states, the large cities always have a place for members of the queer community to find one another.
Tip 7: Talk to Your Friends
If you’re comfortable talking with your friends about your sexuality, then do so. Not only can this help you relieve some of the stress you might be feeling from carrying around what feels like a big secret, but they might also be able to introduce you to other friends who’re also bi-curious, bisexual or otherwise members of the LGBT community. Opening up to your loved ones about your sexuality can be a huge weight off your chest, and it can also be a great way to find a date.
Tip 8: Go to Pride Events
If you want to meet other queer men, go to pride events. There are pride parades, pride festivals and all kinds of pride events that happen all over the nation all year long. If you’re looking to meet someone with whom you might be able to explore your new sexual desires, attend some of these festivals. You’ll find the people there very welcoming and accommodating.
Tip 9: If You’re Really Struggling, Talk to a Therapist
If you’re really having a hard time with these new feelings, and you just can’t seem to get a handle on them by yourself, don’t be afraid to reach out for help. Finding a therapist near you is as simple as entering your zip code online. There really is nothing wrong with you or your sexuality, but if it’s truly stressing you out or making you feel negative about yourself, go talk to someone who can help you understand what’s going on inside your head.
Tip 10: Don’t Be Afraid to Change Your Mind
We can’t stress to you enough how fluid sexuality truly is, and just because you’re bi-curious doesn’t mean you’re necessarily bisexual. If you’ve found yourself becoming more and more attracted to men, you may want to act on that attraction. However, don’t feel crazy, ashamed or embarrassed if you try it and it’s just not for you. That’s why it’s called “bi-curious” instead of bisexual. You’re just curious about what it might be like to be with another man. If you try it and find that you don’t like it, that’s okay, too! At least you’ve sated your curiosity and know more about your desires now than you did before you tried it.